He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
