If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
