I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
