Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
