Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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