so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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