I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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