if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
