thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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