I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
