i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
