Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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