In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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