I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
