I am puke
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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