I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's the barista slut.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
