I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
