there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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