why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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