i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize