Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
