We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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