I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
