i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
