you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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