Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
