I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
