I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
