I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
