So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
