we have pet lesbian snakes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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