If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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