i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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