When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
