You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
