Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
