Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
