I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
