I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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