i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
