My nipple is on Facebook.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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