I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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