guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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