my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
