I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
