He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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