Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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