i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
