can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
