I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
