Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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