Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
