I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
