I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
