I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
