i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
