did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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