U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
