I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So. Much. Porn.
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