No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
